Bolivia - La Paz and The Jungle

We had pretty much a full day of bus travel from Puno in Peru into Bolivia toward La Paz. At the border between the two countries we were surprised and fascinated to find the largest street market we had seen yet in South America. It sold everything from furniture to tupperware, toys and shoes, all kinds of fresh and cooked foods and basically simple everyday items that anyone in the world would desire but somehow we had managed to miss so far because we were too busy shopping for ponchos and other tourist tatt.

We had an incredible faff getting across the border as not a single person spoke English, and those that spoke Spanish made no allowances for us by speaking that bit slower. We had to cross the border back and forth a few times to get various stamps and signatures and by "cross" I mean run uphill through the market dodging carts, stalls and people as the bus looked like it was about to leave without us if we didn´t hurry the hell up. There really is nothing more awful than being in a fluster and running uphill through hundreds of people when you are about 4,000 metres above sea level and the air is as thin as wafer. It had all the right conditions for coronary and we felt like our hearts were about to explode by the time we finally sat down on the bus.

It was then a very long journey through the barren and rolling Bolivian landscape to La Paz, I looked happily out the window at some truly beautiful snowcapped mountains on the horizon. I noticed pretty quickly that Bolivia, at least in the countryside anyway, looks incredibly poor. The houses have no aesthetic design about them whatsoever, just functional brick and square structures. More than half of the construction projects we passed on the way were unfinished with no sign that there was intention to complete them, and rubble and rubbish lay everywhere. Anita and I looked out the window on this view from our tourist bus listening to our ipod and discussed how bloody lucky we were to have the lives we do back in the UK.

The views of La Paz on entry are really spectacular. Little lego-like brown houses speckled across the mountainside and the larger buildings in the city centre snuggled comfortably in the middle of the valley. It is expansive and somehow exudes a sense of boldness and fortitude, but as we spiralled down the mountains and into mouth of the city we felt welcomed by it.

Both Anita and I had enjoyed Wildrover Hostal so much in Cusco, and so we decided to also stay at the Wildrover La Paz. We both were feeling travel lethargy by this time and actually spent more days than probably necessary staying in at the hostal, socialising at lot, eating bacon, eggs and beans, bangers and mash, cottage pie and other ashamedly British food, drinking PG Tips and watching shows like the Inbetweeners to make us feel homely. There was a famous tour that we could have done near La Paz, which is to take a bicycle to a place called the Yungas along "the world´s most dangerous road", named "Death Road". Approximately 200-300 people are killed along this road in a year. This is the point where I realised I really am not an adventurous traveller and when asked if I was going to do it I responded unequivocally and without hesitation "absolutely NOT". Just considering doing it was making me lose sleep with fear. Anita on the other hand decided not to do it because she decided it wasn´t "deathly enough"! So instead we relaxed and waited for our friend Laura, the girl who we met on our first day in Rio and got along with like a house on fire, to arrive in La Paz so we could organise our jungle tour. She was also travelling with a Dutch girl called Mariska, who would also be joining us on our travels.

We organised to take 3 days in the Bolivian Pampas near a jungle town called Rurrenbaque north of La Paz. The pampas are fertile South American lowlands that are temperate and borderline tropical toward the north. We combined this with a two day tour in the jungle, which is more how one would traditionally imagine the Amazon jungle to be. In order to save money and due to time constraints, we decided to take the bus to Rurrenabaque, which would take around 21 hours, and a flight back to La Paz, which would take around 45 minutes. The bus ride we had heard around was renowned for being scary, but it was only rumours to us so far. I asked the lady in the tour agency what it was like to which she responded casually and with a shrug, "It´s pretty windy, but not too bad... a bit like death road I suppose... but by bus". You must be bloody joking. Apparently most the accidents happened in the wet season where rains would wash the mud roads off the mountainside, so we "ought to take some comfort in that" as we were currently in the dry season. Well, it didn´t really matter either way at this point as unfortunately we had very little choice but to take it.

So the day of the bus, we´re exiting La Paz on a rickty old bus with oil dripping from what look like crucial parts of its fabric like, for example... the engine, with only locals for company, and what does it start doing? Snowing. It was bloody snowing and we're about to head onto death road in a 30 foot metal coffin. Doing the only thing I knew what to do at that point was to burst into tears while Anita cradled me on her bosom as though I were a terrified toddler. Thankfully after around an hour of actually quite a thick snow storm we started to enter a warmer climate and jungle territory, however at this point the roads turned to dirt tracks winding around the mountain. After another hour or so, the bus reached and impasse as the road had been blocked due to a mudslide... only in wet season my foot! We were losing time. Us girls didn´t mind at all, but the bus driver had a schedule to keep... and so commenced the most horrifying experience of my life. Once the road opened it was as though a starter gun had been fired and all the buses at once sped off at a speed of knots down the snaking narrow dirt roads in order get off the mountain before sunset. They took the tight corners so fast that made the bus tilted over the edge of the cliff down to the jungle abyss below, the standby drivers jogged down the isles forcing us all to close the windows to help keep the bus balanced. We all screamed at him "DEMASIADO, por favour!! Es muy rapido!! Please, please slow down!!!", he just ignored us and headed to the front, closing the door behind him. Anita, who if you remember had said ´death road is not deathly enough´, burst into tears and sobbed that ´she didn´t want to die on this bus´, Mariska also started to cry too. While I just clung to the seat and wondered if I could do my best Mission Impossible impression by jumping upward out of the window as the bus plummeted off the jungly cliff.

The logic of only opening northbound traffic to clear congestion before opening the southbound route obviously hadn´t occured to the locals on a road that can bearly fit one vehicle, so we all screeched to a halt in the middle where the mudslide had been. We then had to edge our way around all the trucks and cars coming in the opposite direction. I stuck my head horizonally out the window as we creeped around and there was literally just bus tyre and then 300 foot drop, I couldn´t see even a hint of the road edge. Even the locals were scared and standing around nervously in the isle of the bus. We couldn´t figure out a way to get off the bus as we would be knocked down by traffic if we just disembarked on the road and the nearest town was 2 hours away, so we just shut our eyes and said actual prayers until around an hour later when, firstly, the driver slowed down and, secondly, it got dark so we wouldn´t actually be able to see our death coming toward us.

We arrived at the stop point and went for some food in a disorientated stooper.  We looked out the restaurant in ironic confusion as one of the buses managed to crash into another coaches out in the main square making its windscreen fall out, then a minute later one of the waitresses in our restaurant got in an argument with a customer and picked up a dining knife and started threatening him with it and a massive fight broke out. The whole thing was completely surreal after the sheer adrenaline of the past 6 hours on that bus.

After very little sleep we arrived in Rurrenabaque... 15 minutes before our tour was about to commence. We just wanted to sit on steady ground and maybe brush our teeth! The pampas tour was first and it was us four girls, a giggly Japanese guy called Taka, and a beautiful German guy called Niklas who would have easily made the cut for a boyband audition. We took a 3 hour jeep ride to the starting point of our tour on the river and met our tour guide Juan Carlos Wolf, who really looked just the way you imagine a guy from South America called "Juan Carlos Wolf" to look! Immediately along the river on our boat we saw masses and varied amounts of wildlife. Huge alligators and caimon warming themselves in the sun, herons, eagles, vultures, toucans and many birds of paradise partnered up in branches of trees or flying across our path to the foliage way yonder, big guinea pig looking things called capibaras, and cheeky monkies appoached us to see if we had food. It was brilliant to see as your eyes were being taken to all sides by the animals on show!

The girls watching the sunset over the Amazonian Pampas

It took 3 hours by boat to our campsite for the 3 days, which had wooden walkways crossing through trees connecting the dormitories, bathroom, dining room and bar and other look out points, we felt like we were American teenagers arriving at summer camp! The food was fresh, tasty and abundant, we had a free afternoon to enjoy the sunset and get to know our group. That night we took the boat out again along the river to hunt for alligators, which was scary but exhilarating as you saw they eyes glittering in the distance, the stars also sparkled above and the milky way was crystal clear.

Our Pampas camp for 3 nights

The following day we took the boat down river a short while then went for a hike through the pampas to arrive at a swampy area where we went anaconda hunting. Our guide gave us no techniques for actually achieving this goal other than "when you see one, just grab its head", which frankly was not detailed enough for me to even consider attempting it. In the end one of the guides managed to catch one in the water. It was interesting to see at first, but after about half an hour of watching this distressed snake being grabbed by the tail for photos by the tourists, I really just wanted them to let it go. Niklas has two pet snakes himself at home and was great with the anaconda, he held her properly, stoking under her belly to calm her down.

Us girls at the anaconda hunting pond

We then went back to camp and had a long lunch before heading our pirhana fishing in the afternoon, which I thoroughly enjoyed and found incredibly relaxing. They are scary little things, and ripped all the meat off the fishing hook on more occasions than I managed to catch one. In the end I caught two fishes, but didn´t want to catch more as it seemed unnecessary, it also disturbed me how they flapped about struggling for breath in the boat so I made Niklas hit mine with his shoe to kill it, which actually was horrible but somehow really funny. We then headed to a different site to have beers and watch the sunset over the Amazon, while the boys played football the girls chatted and relaxed. We then headed back to our camp again where we stayed up far later than we ought considering we were to be up at 5:30 the following morning to watch the sunrise!

Me catching a Piranha!

Sunset over the Pampas

I managed to drag myself out of bed for the sunrise the following morning, which was a fierce shade of red and appeared slowly out of the haze and dewy green grassland of the pampas. After breakfast we put on our bikinis and headed on the boat to a deeper area of the river where the pink dolphins congregate. Nik and Taka got straight in to play, but I was not so sure. I only got in when I looked over 20 minutes later and saw Anita flapping about in the water, it was squishy underfoot and rather disturbing as alligators were lining the shore only a short distance away and I considered why on earth I thought I was immune to their murderous bite just because I am a tourist. I then started to drift downstream and panicked when I realised "Crap... I can´t actually swim"... and so doggy paddled and half back stroked my way back to the boat where I was happy to get inside again.

Sunrise over the Pampas

Playing with the pink dolphins

The girls, Taka, Nik and Juan Carlos (far right) on our transport for the Pampas

We headed back to Rurrenabaque town where we had much needed showers and headed out for drinks and dinner, the following morning we said goodbye to Taka but Nik decided to also join us on our 2 day jungle tour. Before we left that evening I started to feel a dodgy tummy coming on but I just ignored it, the following day I felt pretty awful and was super stressed about the fact I had to sit in a boat for 3 hours without a loo in sight. We arrived at what appeared to be as an arbitrary shore off the river Beni and then with all our backpacks in tow along with plastic bags with our food for the next few days entered a small opening in the follage and followed a narrow jungle path for around 20 minutes to our campsite. I was in hysterics as I walked behind Laura  who openly admits to having zero centre of gravity and she honestly just could not arrange herself with her belongings. She would take off her backpack and start rolling it uphill across the mud while simultaneously carrying a bag full of eggs. Eggs. She had a choice to pick up any bag of food from the shore to take to camp and she chose a bag with about 30 unbroken eggs in it. When we had to balance crossing rivers on planks of wood I could barely contain myself, it was like watching a bad episode of Challenge Anneka.

Our camp was a little open area just beyond a river and had little wooden huts on stilts with hay roofs, all very cute and jungly. After lunch my tummy was not feeling much better, but I still headed out with the girls and Nik and our guide into the dense jungle. The guide descibed all kinds of nifty medicines different woods and leaves could create, however we did notice it was a lot of "this leaf helps rheumatism... this leaf is like viagra... this bark helps anemia... this root is like viagra... oh and this stem is also like viagra". The jungle is a bit randy. Our guide also made a cool bottle holder out of a vine, he showed us little birds nests with eggs in them and how he has never got lost in the jungle because he uses the sun as a guide and breaks stems to create a return path for himself. It is pretty rare to see animals in the jungle due to all the foliage, but we were lucky enough to see a group of monkies eating out of a nearby tree and went in closer to have a look, they were very cute but I was convinced they were chucking nuts at us!

In the jungle!

Later while we were looking at a bit trunk of an old tree I heard a buzzing near my head and swatted around my ears, it would not go away, I then moved around at bit but it still would not go away. I called Laura over and we both stood very still and she said she could also hear it but couldn´t see anything. I started to panic thinking I had a fly stuck behind my ear drum or something, suddenly I felt a massive chomp on my head and I started to scream and scramble my hands through my hair like mental patient and ran around like a headless chicken. The guide tried to calm me down but I was just screaming saying "ahhhh please get it out, get it out, get it out!!!" on the verge of tears, so he rummaged through my hair and picked out some weird looking black insect from my head, but that wasnt the end of it, the bastard had brought a mate with him and he was chowing on the other side of my head! Eventually we got them out but after that all the girls put their hair up as apparently watching me struggle like that was the stuff of horror movies.

I realised how much I had built up an ideal image of the jungle as being lush and hospitable if you act like you´re "one with nature". Actually so far, although I loved the greenery, I was definitely not on the set of Avatar... it felt like absolutely every creepy crawly - and I cannot emphasise just HOW MANY there are in the jungle - wants to eat you. The whole place was starting to give me the heeby jeebies as we ate dinner there were insects crawling in front of us, we went to the loo there were wasps in the toilet bowl, massive ants who just found you interesting to follow for some sinister purpose I´m sure. And mosquitos. Those little bastard were EVERYWHERE and ruthless. We got back to camp and apparently after dinner we were due to head out for a nighttime walk through the jungle and as I was already feeling like this about all the insects in the day, I just imagined walking face first into a tarantulas web. Instead Laura, Mariska and I stayed at camp on our own and ran from the dining block to the dormitories with our only source of light, a couple of candles and thoroughly searched our bed for these mini intruders. When Anita came back I was glad I didn´t go as apparently her light failed about 5 minutes into the hour walk, and she saw a big hairy spider the size of a huge hand eating its dinner in a massive web just a few feet away. No thank you.

My stomach was feeling awful by this point and I awoke abruptly in the middle of the night and had to dash out to find a tree, the last thing I wanted and a terrifying experience. I walked past Anita the following morning outside the toilet block looking thoroughly in pain and she was clearly coming down with the same problem. She said she also awoke in the night to dash to the toilet block and was faced with about 30 pigs just standing randomly outside the dorms. Nik at breakfast also didn´t look too hot either so it seemed something was going around.

Anita stayed in bed but Laura and Mariska, who were feeling fine, headed out with us on the second day walk. Nik also amazingly wanted to come despite his bad belly. We reached some vines to sit and swing on a short while later, Mariska gave it a go and when the guide gestured to me to give it a go I politely declined, he offered the same to Nik who said pretty much what I was thinking: "No thanks, I´ll shit my pants." A short while later Nik decided to head back to camp because he was feeling too ill and we walked in opposite directions, a minute or so later we heard him shouting something in Spanish and we ran back only to find him grabbing the tail of some kind of 3 meter long yellow viper that was trying to slither away. We were all thinking he is actually mad. I asked him if it was dangerous and apparently one bite and you would be dead in a matter of minutes, yet he still wanted me to get closer for a picture. Mad jungle child! He then let it go and it disappeared into its hole.

Nik catching the viper

We continued on walking for about 2.5 hours while Roberto stopped every so often to explain some or other interesting fact about the plants and animals of the jungle and show us yet more natural forms of viagra. We also drank from a piece of wood he cut that was dripping with water, Laura Mariska and I all decided it was the most refreshing drink we´d ever had!

Back at camp that afternoon they were all dropping like flies with this tummy bug, while I was finally starting to feel slightly better. The boat ride back to Rurrenabaque town looked so painful for Anita and Nik particularly. We then headed for the airport to catch our flight, Nik was on the same flight and was looking more ill by the second, when he disembarked from the plane in La Paz he was completely crumpled over and his heart was beating about at least twice as fast as it ought. We were happy to get back to the Wildrover, have a warm shower without feeling like a kebab on a skewer for the mosquitoes and get straight to bed.